Life is a series of cycles. Each cycle creates a link in a chain that has no beginning and no end. We are always moving from one cycle into the next. Some cycles are growthful and productive, and these cycles serve us well. We can then move on to the next aspect of our spiritual development. But some cycles repeat themselves and do not serve us well. They can feel familiar and frustrating, as though we are returning to the same place over and over again. Understanding why this happens, and what we can do about it, is the subject of this discourse.
When a cycle repeats itself in unwanted ways, two things are operating. A repeating cycle is a set of circumstances, conditions, and experiences that tends to reproduce itself over time. A pattern is the way we consistently respond to those karmic circumstances. Together they reinforce one another. It is this relationship, between the repeating circumstance and the habitual response, that keeps us returning to the same place.
Let’s take a closer look at patterns. A pattern may take many forms. It may be a habit, an attitude, a belief, an emotional reaction, or a way of interpreting events. Whatever form it takes, the pattern becomes the mechanism through which the cycle continues. And every pattern is reinforced through conditioning. Whenever we repeatedly think, feel, or behave in a particular way, we condition ourselves to respond similarly in the future. What began as a conscious choice becomes a familiar response, and the familiar response eventually becomes an established pattern.
Consider a person who repeatedly becomes angry when criticized. The criticism is not the problem. It is merely the circumstance that initiates the cycle. The pattern is the predictable response of anger, defensiveness, or resentment. Each time the person reacts in the same way, the pattern is strengthened and the cycle continues.
How do we stop this process? Change begins when awareness enters the space between the circumstance and the response. This awareness is developed through introspection and honest self-examination. We have to resolve this question: what is making me behave this way?
Many people spend years trying to alter their behavior without first understanding the circumstances that trigger it. The first step in breaking the cycle is recognizing that it exists. Recognition alone, however, is not enough. We must also possess a sincere desire to change, and lasting change requires an honest decision to end that cycle.
At times it can be helpful to reinforce that decision with a simple affirmation: “I do not want to behave like this anymore. I am in control. I am master of myself.” The specific words are less important than the sincerity behind them. Such reminders strengthen our resolve and keep our attention on the change we wish to create.
Recognition and desire must be followed by self-awareness. Recognition tells us that a cycle exists. Self-awareness helps us understand why it exists. Until we understand the beliefs, fears, expectations, or emotional needs driving a pattern, our attempts to change it are often temporary.
If we find ourselves trapped in the same cycle repeatedly, it is often because we are either doing something we should not be doing or failing to do something we should be doing. This does not mean that every circumstance is our fault, nor that other people play no role in our difficulties. It does mean that we must honestly examine our own contribution to the cycle. Sometimes that contribution is obvious. At other times it may be a recurring thought, fear, resentment, or assumption. The cycle may also continue because of something we are avoiding: a decision we are postponing, a conversation we are not having, a responsibility we are neglecting, or an uncomfortable truth we have refused to acknowledge.
Discernment plays a role here as well. Once we recognize a pattern, discernment helps us identify which responses reinforce the cycle and which responses weaken it. The essential question becomes: what am I doing that sustains this cycle, or what am I failing to do that would help bring it to an end? The answer often reveals the point at which change becomes possible.
Once we become aware of a cycle, our next task is to identify its trigger points. What circumstances, thoughts, or emotions initiate the familiar response? Every recurring pattern has conditions that support it. Learning to recognize those conditions gives us the opportunity to make a different choice.
At first, this awareness usually comes too late. We recognize the pattern only after we have acted it out. Later we begin to recognize it while it is occurring. Eventually we recognize it before it happens. We do not become free of a pattern all at once. We become aware of it earlier and earlier in the process until we finally have sufficient awareness to choose a different response.
Even so, recognition alone does not guarantee a different response. One of the greatest obstacles to change is our tendency to justify our behavior. We explain why our reaction was reasonable, pointing to the circumstances, the actions of others, or the pressures we were under. While these explanations may contain some truth, they often prevent us from addressing the real issue. Before change can occur, we must shift from justification to rectification. When we are justifying, we are saying “I behaved this way because of what happened to me.” When we are rectifying, we are saying “I must change this behavior and prevent it from happening again.” The moment we become more interested in correcting the pattern than defending it, positive change becomes possible.
Once we identify the trigger points of a pattern, we can begin developing techniques that interrupt the automatic response. These techniques do not eliminate the pattern by themselves, but they create a space between stimulus and response. Within that space, free agency can operate. A person struggling with anger may learn to pause before responding, count slowly to ten, take several deep breaths, or temporarily remove themselves from the situation. These techniques prevent the automatic reaction from immediately expressing itself. That brief pause often provides enough time to make a more thoughtful choice.
Many people become discouraged because change seems slow. They expect a pattern that took years to develop to disappear in a matter of days or weeks. Yet every pattern was strengthened through repetition, and every pattern is changed through practice and repetition. Patience is not merely helpful. It is necessary.
It is also worth remembering that many of our patterns are learned. We acquire them from parents, siblings, friends, teachers, and the society around us. The people with whom we surround ourselves continue to reinforce our conditioning through shared attitudes, habits, and expectations. For this reason, changing a pattern sometimes requires us to examine the influences that continually reinforce it. Yet regardless of where a pattern originated, the responsibility for changing it remains our own.
That responsibility is not a burden. It is an opportunity. The encouraging truth is that if a pattern was created through conditioning, it can also be changed through conditioning. Each time we recognize the cycle and choose differently, we weaken the old pattern and strengthen a new one. Every time a healthier response is chosen it becomes stronger, and every time it is practiced it becomes more natural. What initially requires conscious effort gradually becomes easier. The goal is not perfection. The goal is progress.
Another challenge often arises when a pattern begins to disappear. The old pattern leaves behind an empty space. If we do not consciously establish a healthier pattern, the old one may return and occupy that space once again, or something equally undesirable may fill it instead. A person who quits smoking, for example, may replace the habit with overeating rather than something constructive such as exercise or meditation.
Transformation involves more than stopping a behavior. We must create something new. The same principle applies to all patterns. If we seek to overcome anger, we must cultivate compassion and peace. If we seek to overcome fear, we must cultivate courage and inner strength. If we seek to overcome resentment, we must cultivate acceptance and forgiveness. Whatever the pattern may be, something constructive must replace it.
Breaking a cycle rarely follows a perfectly straight path. Most people will occasionally fall back into an old pattern. This does not erase the progress already made. The important question is not whether we stumble, but whether we recognize the stumble more quickly, understand why it occurred, and resume the work of change.
Unfortunately, some people do not change until the pain of a repeating cycle becomes too much to bear. One reason for this is that familiarity often creates a sense of comfort and predictability, even when the pattern itself is unhealthy. We may not enjoy the results of the cycle, but because the pattern is familiar, we know what to expect from it. Change introduces uncertainty, and many people will tolerate a surprising amount of discomfort before they are willing to embrace that uncertainty.
Fortunately, it does not need to be that way. Through the recognition of the cycle, the determination to change, the wisdom to know what to change, and the dedication and persistence of fostering a new response, the cycle can be transformed. In the end, the same power that created the cycle is the power that can change it. That power is choice.
Go in light and grow in peace.
